From the mother of a boy 20 months at adoption:

Our son was 20 months at placement, so he had some language (bengali) and definitely memories!  He is now 4.5 years old. I don't know how typical this may be, but I prepared for the worst and it went very smoothly, the easiest of my 3 children.  Part of this is his temperament, I've got to give him credit, he has a very sweet and
easygoing nature.  Most of the things I prepared for didn't happen, and some things were just as expected!

MEALS:  I wasn't sure, so I set up a high chair for him for the first few meals......and when I put him in it with us up at the table, he got the most disappointed look on his face.  So we took him out and sat him in a booster
chair, and he started to smile ~ he just wanted to sit at the table like everyone else.  He drank from a cup well, but I put a lid on it just for my sanity.  He was not interested in his bottle at all.  He could also feed himself but didn't want to; the ayahs had fed him everything, so he would sit there with his mouth open like a baby bird and his hands very still in his lap.  I indulged this for a bit, then slowly eased off and let him feed himself with fingers or spoon.

I did notice that he didn't like to get his hands dirty AT ALL (still fussy about this, goes through alot of napkins) which may be a holdover from orphanage days.  I'm sure they didn't want all those children playing with their food during mealtimes!  He would eat rice, some fish, NO veggies, NO fruit.  He loved junk food and crunchy, snacky things.  For the first month, all he would eat (besides the above) was ham and cheese casserole that a friend had brought us.  I had to keep making it over and over there for awhile, but would offer other foods
> at mealtimes, too.  Gradually, very slowly, he adapted to new foods.  He  didn't like things that were extreme temperatures, like cold ice cream. He also preferred his milk at room temp.  He ate small amounts, almost continually, as most toddlers do:  grazing.  To this day he is very picky about vegies and fruit.

SLEEP:  He slept better than my babies had, but it took awhile to get him to sleep alone.  I didn't force this issue at all; he had been with all those other kids in the orphanage and was used to it.  The first 3-4 nights, he slept directly on top of me, no joke.  He slept, I didn't.  By the 5th night, I could ease him off to one side but he was really snuggled up against me.This went on, until he became comfortable sleeping beside me, stretched out...........then on the floor, next to the bed.  Over weeks and months, we moved him across the hall gradually and into his own bed.  Course, there  were lots of times we'd wake up and he was right back with us, which was
fine.  He took his naps okay alone, but nighttime was altogether a different matter. Also, since I figured he was used to sleeping on the floor with a blanket (if any was needed), when I put him to bed, I would lay him on top
of the bed and put a blanket over him.  He would cry and cry, and I thought it was because he didn't want to go to bed ~ nope, it was because he wanted to get under the covers.  Who knew???

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS:  At first, he preferred his oldest sister (8 at the time) and called her "Amma".  Also, at the airport, he latched onto a friends daughter and called her "Amma" as well.  He wasn't too excited about me,
my husband, or about his 5 y.o. sister (which was just fine since she wasn't too excited with him, either, being displaced as the 'baby' of the family!) It took several weeks for him to transfer his affections to me, and several
months to his father.  (I might add that his dad was in college in another town when Ian arrived, and came home every 2 weeks for a couple of days for the next 6 months)  If he was hurt, he would go to his oldest sister
first, and if she wasn't there, he would come to me.  I remember going to Thanksgiving at my parents house a month after his arrival, and he latched onto my sister-in-law.  Obviously he wasn't "bonded" yet, and looking
back, I think perhaps he believed he was going to "change hands" again!!

I'll never forget one day, about 2 weeks after arrival, I heard him rustling around and went in to get him up from his nap.  He sat up, smiling like crazy, and opened his eyes to see ME.  And his sweet face just fell..................he was suddenly so sad.  It was obvious that he was dreaming of someone, someplace in India, and was  disappointed to wake up and see that he was no longer there.   It truly broke my heart  :o(   We had
just received some pictures of him in India, so I spread these out on the floor for him to see.  The one that he chose, and held close to his heart, I let him carry for the day.  Then we picked a special frame and put the picture in it, and set it on the shelf where he could reach it.  It was the only thing I could do for him, and it still makes me tear up to think of it.  The picture is still there, where he can see it.

POTTY TRAINING:  His papers said he "liked to sit on the potty chair". So, I  bought one and had it in the bathroom, just in case I got lucky!  He was not interested in it at all, of course, and we stayed in diapers for the next year and a half.  Don't get your hopes up on this one!

LANGUAGE:  He seemed to understand whatever we said.  He was very charming and polite around others, and when big sister took him to school for "show and tell", he performed a perfect namaste, then went around to all the children and shook their hand.  The children were just delighted with him!

He began to imitate the sound of the dog "woof woof" first, and then graduated to words.  He picked up language quickly, I would say, within 60 days he was pretty much at par with his peers.  He did have some bengali words, which I did not understand enough to pick up, and part  of a sing-song thing with little hand movements that he would only do while sitting in the grocery cart!  Unfortunately, the language went quickly.  I
had some bengali movies, and would put these in every day.  For the first month, he would look up and just fly to the tv, with his hands pressed against it like a window...............he was probably thinking:  "At last, someone who can talk sense!!"  After a while, he would look up and listen for awhile.  Then he would just look.  And after a couple of months, he would ignore it completely.  Unfortunately, the relative few indian families that lived in our area did not speak a word of bengali. I also had purchased some cassettes and videos of bengali childrens
songs.  Although he still likes to listen to the cassettes, it is not with the same recognition that once was.

Gestures, we used LOTS of these.  You know the usual one for 'come here', where you place your palm up and move your index finger back and forth?  He would not respond to that, and someone said the gesture for that
in India is:  place your palm down, and wiggle your 4 fingers towards you in unison.  I tried that, and he'd run right over, understanding what I meant.

He liked to be picked up and snuggled readily, but did not like being touched on the head.

SHOES:  It was October when he arrived, so I bought him a pair of shoes. He was fascinated with them!  He wore them constantly the first few weeks, and was really upset if he didn't have them on, quite the opposite of what I expected.  After the novelty wore off, he went back to preferring bare feet, and still does if given the choice.

WEATHER:  This did not seem to affect him at all.  It is cold in WA state in October!   He was delighted with the leaves.  And the snow was his particular favorite.

GENERAL BEHAVIOR:  The first few weeks, he was perfectly behaved.  If we went anywhere, he sat quietly in one place.  It was awesome, and I still wonder how the ayahs manage this in a child so small........ Course, this
"honeymoon" phase disappeared, as it always does.  He was still very well behaved, but he became more sure of himself, more rambunctious, over time.
It is obvious that he received much love and attention at SICW, for which we are grateful.  After 3 months, he was like any other little boy his age.

I did read alot, and talked with other parents who had adopted toddlers, beforehand.  But what alot of it came down to in those first few months was a lot of guessing and trial and error!