From the mother of a girl adopted at age 2:

Our daughter was just a few weeks shy of her second birthday when she arrived.  She was escorted here by airline volunteers and was very sick on arrival with a bad cold and fluid in her lungs.  When I held her for the
first time, I could see the terror in her eyes and feel the rattle in her breathing.  The only thing that seemed to comfort her that first day and for the next few weeks was the fact that she was the third child we had adopted
from South Asia.  She arrived at a home with 2 sisters bouncing around the house that looked just like her.

She really adjusted to us very easily and within days was smiling and interacting with us.  She did not speak as she was language delayed but over time she caught up.  Even though she did not have any vocabulary, she knew how to get what she wanted by pointing.

We got her to the doctor, got an antibiotic and treatment for all the parasites she brought with her and she was perfectly healthy.

Over those first few weeks while she adjusted to us we were helped by the fact that first of all we had a list of what she had been eating in India.We got some of the same foods and those were all she ate for a while. At first I stayed home from work with her during the day, but we soon noticed that she was very unhappy alone at home with mom.  She would light up when we would go to school to pick up her sisters.  So after being home just a few weeks, we enrolled her in preschool and she loved it.  She liked being around all the kids.

Our daughter was placed by her birthmother in the orphanage when she was just a few days old.  The first written record we have is when she was 8 days old.  We don't know if that was the day she was placed but it is
likely.She was assigned to us at 3 months of age and we expected her to arrive soon after.  Our agency messed up the paper work causing a delay of several months and then the Indian government put the current adoption regulations into effect which included a new requirement of lisencing for adoption programs.  The orphanage in Hyderabad our child was in did not get a lisence.  They tried for a long time, but finally had to give up.  She was eventually moved to New Delhi to Holy Cross Service Centre and they processed the adoption. This all took 20 months and was very difficult.

We had known from the very first report we had on her that she had delays in motor skills and language and so the longer it took, the more worried we got.  I work in sp ed and so I know first hand that babies need lots of> stimulation while they are growing up.  We never knew how much she was getting. We did get regular written reports through all this time so we always knew how she was doing.  We also got pictures.

Eventually a few years after arrival we did meet the people who had cared for her in both Hyderabad and Delhi when they came to the usa to escort other children and learned that they were wonderful people who did all
they could for our child.  We still correspond with several of them.

She is almost 16 now and is a pretty, bright, happy, active young lady. She did have some learning difficulties through elementary school but now in high school she does not.  She is a leader in her class, star of the
soccer team and can't wait for drivers training to start!

There is risk in adoption, however.  You never know what can happen and you need to be prepared for any outcome.  Our first child arrived at 10 months of age and was the prettiest and smartest child we had ever seen.  Her early years were wonderful.  She could sing, dance, play musical instruments and was the smartest child in her class.  We had great expectations for her.In fact I suggested the talent show at SPICE just for her so she could perform. For several years, she was the closing act, performing her Indian dance.

Happy memories.

When she got to middle school her life fell apart.  At first we thought it was an attachment disorder.  She has all the characteristics.  Now we know however that it is bipolar disorder/manic-depressive.  She is 19 years
old.  Some days are fine but others are terrible.  We hope she will re-enroll in college for the second semester.  She is doing nothing now.

Mental illness does not always develop until the early teen years.  We have hope that she will adjust and we keep helping her, but we also know there is still a rough road ahead.

I tell you this so you will know that there is risk, whether you give birth to the child or adopt the child.

To do it over, I would not change a thing.  My girls are my life.